Archive for the ‘Seattle Mariners’ category

Richie Sexson in a thong (to the Yankees)

July 17, 2008

We didn’t post anything for the All-Star Game on Thursday. Too tired. Damn, Dan Uggla had a bad night.

Anyways, looks like Richie Sexson is signing with the Yankees, as they were looking for a power right handed bat in their bench. Since Sexson will be in the eternal slump he’s been in for all of 2008, he will definitely give Jason Giambi’s gold thong a lot of mileage, and hell, he might end up owning it by the end of the season.

By the way, this new Giambi picture with fellow Yankee player Jack Daniels from Deadspin is awesome.

AL pitcher hits grand slam

June 24, 2008

In some rare good news for the Seattle Mariners, P Felix Hernandez became the first AL pitcher since 1971 to hit a grand slam. Not only did he hit an opposite field grand slam, but it was off of Johan Santana making it even more notable. Later in the game though, Hernandez sprained his ankle in a play at the plate and had to leave the game early. He was winning but only pitched 4.2 innings, so he didn’t get a decision which sucks for you fantasy players. Seattle won the game 5-2 though so everything is ok. The team says he’s fine though and will be ready for his next start.

Hernandez now has more homers than:

SS Jason Bartlett (244 AB)
C Victor Martinez (198 AB)
OF Joey Gathright (196 AB)
1B/OF Ross Gload (166 AB)
SS Omar Vizquel (105 AB)
1B Sean Casey (104 AB)

JAY BUHNER 4 SEATTLE MANAGER

June 17, 2008

Now that we know the incessant Bill Bavasi era is gone, let’s look back on what he has done to the Seattle Mariners franchise. Unlike 2007, where they went 88-74, it has not been a good year so far for the poor Mariners, with so many underperforming players like Richie Sexson, Kenji Johjima, and Adrian Beltre, as well as Erik Bedard underperforming and JJ Putz shelved for the year. Then again, Bavasi sucks at signing players, like getting Scott Speizio to underperform there, and then do decent for the Cardinals, signing Rich Aurilia so he could suck and then do well for Cincinnati, the awful contract to Sexson, and signing that awful contract to Carlos Silva for 12 million a year for 4 years, among others, like Carl “I hate Dinosaurs” Everett, Jarrod Washburn, and Jeff Weaver Let’s see who else Bavasi could have had on his team:

Carlos Guillen (traded for Ramon Santiago)
Randy Winn (traded for Jesse Foppert, who currently plays for Triple-A Toy Manufacturer from China and breaks easily)
George Sherill and Adam Jones (for Erik Bedard, although Bavasi shouldn’t necessarily be blamed for Bedard not being good this year)
Asdrubal Cabrara (for Eduardo Perez)
Rofl Soriano (for Horacio Ramirez, lol)
Freddy Garcia (for Jeremy Reed, Mike Morse, and Miguel Olivo)

Plus Bavasi looks funny. Now that those days are over, and that track record is gone, they need to bring this guy in as GM:

Former Ken Phelps All-Star Jay Buhner should be the new General Manager for the Seattle Mariners. He would be able to trade for anyone and everyone, because he’s Jay Buhner, bitches. He would also be able to draft any player he wants to, because Jay Buhner can do anything (except hitting for contact). And he would be the only general manager in the Majors to vomit on command.

Why Buhner? Well, what if the Mariners got someone like Paul DePodesta? He would probably end up playing safe and drafting and developing pitchers and position players similar to Matt Kemp and Russell Martin and stuff and end up trading away Kenji Johjima for some young players. Then he would trade for Paul Lo Duca to back up Jeff Clement and then Ichiro would get caught doing horse steroids that he got from Lo Duca. Not exciting enough.

I’d rather have Buhner.

Griffey back to Seattle?

May 13, 2008

The Dayton Daily News reported that the Mariners sent their president to scout Ken Griffey Jr. of the Cincinnati Reds about a possible return to Seattle. In the 90s, Griffey was arguably the biggest name in baseball. Both teams are in last place right now, so this is actually a pointless move. Neither team is going anywhere, but Griffey is a legend. He was everyone my age’s (19) favorite player and I still have that “Kid Dynamite” poster that I got in a box of cereal laying around somewhere.

It would make sense for Griffey to finish his career in Seattle where he was on track to be the best hitter in the history of baseball. But he went to Cincinnati and his body betrayed him. Had he stayed healthy, we could have seen Bonds vs. Griffey for Hank Aaron’s home run record. Griffey is still a serviceable player in the bigs though. He is batting .250 this year which is nothing special, but he is only 3 homers away from the 600 homer club. And with the prettiest swing in baseball, he is still a threat at the plate. He could still hit 25 home runs and while he is not a 3rd or cleanup hitter anymore, he could still be a good addition to any lineup in the 5th to 7th slot.

Griffey has to accept or reject any trade so that could complicate things. Griffey is aging (38 years old) and becoming a DH would undoubtedly extend a career plagued by nagging injuries. Regardless, this trade won’t make a difference in the standings, but Griffey should retire where he made his greatest mark, which was in Seattle. Keep an eye peeled for a potential move from one loser to another.

Mariners send exec to check out Griffey (Dayton Daily News)

Richie Sexson gets angry; helmet throw is a punk move

May 12, 2008

Mariners Richie Sexson charged the mound after Texas Rangers pitcher Kason Gabbard threw a pitch at his eye level. Sexson is 6’8, so if you put a pitch that high, it is obviously on purpose. Sexson charged the mound, chucked his helmet at Gabbard, and tackled him but didn’t land any good punches. And the benches cleared and MIlton Bradley actually played peacemaker, pulling C Gerald Laird from the action. Sexson was initially suspended for six games. However, he appealed and had the suspension reduced to five games.

Sexson said he would have been a lot less angry if Gabbard threw at his body, which is taller than most people. A baseball to the buns or back is a lot safer than one to the noggin. But Gabbard went up top and headhunters get what they deserve.

I do not mind watching athletes get angry and I do not believe in suspensions for anyone who leaves the bench (ie. NBA David Stern crackdown on fun). Checks and balances apply to baseball as well as government, so batters must keep the opposing pitcher in check if he is throwing at guys. I do believe however, that people fighting need to observe proper etiquette, if you will, when it comes to baseball violence.

  1. No kicking or other martial arts moves.
  2. Don’t throw the helmet. Or for that matter, no weapons (we’re looking at you Juan Marichal).
  3. Pitchers: don’t headhunt unless you’re Kyle Farnsworth and can defend yourself.
  4. No spitting.
  5. Leave Zimmer alone!

Sexson suspension to 5 games (Sports Illustrated)

Josh Hamilton pwns J.J. Putz so much that Putz goes on DL (and other happenings)

April 2, 2008

Josh Hamiltowned!

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After last night’s go-ahead two-run home run by Josh Hamilton that put the Rangers ahead of the Mariners 5-4, [va]J.J. Putz is headed to the disabled list with a ribcage injury (Yahoo). Putz, one of the best closers last year, is not having a good start to the 2008 season. Josh Hamilton meanwhile, has more strength than most Greek and Roman Gods.

Larry Bowa suspended

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Looks like Larry Bowa, the third base coach for the Dodgers, got suspended three games for coloring outside the lines being out of the coaching boundaries, and promptly arguing. You know it is baseball season when Bowa gets pissed at something.

Joel Zumaya still plays Guitar Hero well, does other things pretty good too

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A recent Deadspin article a couple hours ago shows a Facebook photo of everyone’s favorite Guitar-Hero playin’ Detroit Tiger Joel Zumaya still playing his axe, even if he injured himself in a dunebuggy wildfire accident. No comment.

Future pitching coach Kelvim Escobar

March 27, 2008

A couple weeks ago, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim looked to be the front runners for the AL West division title. But, that was before the potential career ending injury to 2007 18 game winner RHP Kelvim Escobar. Escobar has a tear in his pitching shoulder and it is almost certain he will miss the 2008 season. This makes the AL West race a lot more interesting this season. I originally had the Angels winning the division this season, but Escobar was a large part of my projection. Escobar’s 18 wins and 3.40 ERA were instrumental in the Angels division title last season and this is a huge loss for the team. And on top of the possible career ender to Escobar, he will be joining ace RHP John Lackey on the disabled list. Lackey has a strained triceps and will not be throwing a ball for another two to three weeks. Lackey finished third in the 2007 Cy Young voting last season with a 19-9 record and an AL leading 3.01 ERA. Lackey will return this season, but it still raises the questions, how many games will the Angels lose without their ace for approximately a month, and will he return to his 2007 form?

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