JAY BUHNER 4 SEATTLE MANAGER

Now that we know the incessant Bill Bavasi era is gone, let’s look back on what he has done to the Seattle Mariners franchise. Unlike 2007, where they went 88-74, it has not been a good year so far for the poor Mariners, with so many underperforming players like Richie Sexson, Kenji Johjima, and Adrian Beltre, as well as Erik Bedard underperforming and JJ Putz shelved for the year. Then again, Bavasi sucks at signing players, like getting Scott Speizio to underperform there, and then do decent for the Cardinals, signing Rich Aurilia so he could suck and then do well for Cincinnati, the awful contract to Sexson, and signing that awful contract to Carlos Silva for 12 million a year for 4 years, among others, like Carl “I hate Dinosaurs” Everett, Jarrod Washburn, and Jeff Weaver Let’s see who else Bavasi could have had on his team:

Carlos Guillen (traded for Ramon Santiago)
Randy Winn (traded for Jesse Foppert, who currently plays for Triple-A Toy Manufacturer from China and breaks easily)
George Sherill and Adam Jones (for Erik Bedard, although Bavasi shouldn’t necessarily be blamed for Bedard not being good this year)
Asdrubal Cabrara (for Eduardo Perez)
Rofl Soriano (for Horacio Ramirez, lol)
Freddy Garcia (for Jeremy Reed, Mike Morse, and Miguel Olivo)

Plus Bavasi looks funny. Now that those days are over, and that track record is gone, they need to bring this guy in as GM:

Former Ken Phelps All-Star Jay Buhner should be the new General Manager for the Seattle Mariners. He would be able to trade for anyone and everyone, because he’s Jay Buhner, bitches. He would also be able to draft any player he wants to, because Jay Buhner can do anything (except hitting for contact). And he would be the only general manager in the Majors to vomit on command.

Why Buhner? Well, what if the Mariners got someone like Paul DePodesta? He would probably end up playing safe and drafting and developing pitchers and position players similar to Matt Kemp and Russell Martin and stuff and end up trading away Kenji Johjima for some young players. Then he would trade for Paul Lo Duca to back up Jeff Clement and then Ichiro would get caught doing horse steroids that he got from Lo Duca. Not exciting enough.

I’d rather have Buhner.

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